Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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