then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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