My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
