I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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