wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
