Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
