my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
