When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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