There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
