I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
