please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
