What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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