She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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