I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
