New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
