You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this is an emotional support booty call
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
