Pants 0. Shit 1.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
