So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
