I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
