Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
