Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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