I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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