every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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