Sry I called you an 8
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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