Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
