Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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