The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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