Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
These tits shall not be calmed
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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