true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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