His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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