is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
