Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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