shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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