I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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