he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
