no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
