What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
