How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
