worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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