They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
