goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
