I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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