Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
