Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
