I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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