Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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