the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
