My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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