tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
