Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
