theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
